It’s been a tough year for so many reasons and I thought that the first sign of light at the end of the Covid-19 tunnel would have me jumping with joy.
With the governments roadmap to getting us back to normal life being announced, surely I should feel elated?
So why do I feel anxious? Why do people I know feel the same?
I’ve gone from working full time in my salon, training at the weekends, juggling family life, fitting in photo shoots and session work events and working the aesthetics clinic on my day off, to nothing.
Nowhere to be.
Nowhere to go.
And all the time in the world to enjoy the simple life.
And if the truth be known, the thought of going back to ‘real life’ seems exhausting.
The past year has been an emotional rollercoaster, from enjoying the simplicity of life to feeling completely helpless because nothing makes sense.
I’ve gone from complete highs to the lowest lows.
I’ve experienced loneliness for the first time in my life to enjoying the solitude and simplicity that lockdown has brought.
I’ve been thankful for friends keeping in touch and been close to falling out with others ‘for not following the rules’.
I’ve got into heated debates with people I love for not taking things seriously or for listening to (in my opinion) conspiracy theories on social media.
And I just wanted everything to go back to normal.
But what is normal? My normal would mean rushing about, sitting in traffic, endlessly marketing my business to try and reassure people we’re safe to visit? Praying the ‘lost clients’ come back? Cooking slow-cooker meals at 7:00am so the kids can grab their tea before I get home from work 12 hours later? Doing laundry at 11pm?
And I know it’s not just me.
Life is busy for so many of us and the pressure to hit normal life head-on seems a scary thought.
Mums stressing, trying to get their children ready on time for school, the endless after-school activities and craft projects.
Feeling like you have to say yes to every invitation because you’ve been stuck in the past year?
Or the worry that you won’t be invited anywhere?
In a way, many of us have been blessed to have this time off with financial support from the Government (thank goodness for furlough) and I feel for those that have had to carry on regardless through all of this. The Mum’s trying to homeschool, whilst doing online meetings, the ones with no families close by, those that have struggled with childcare. The ones that got no financial assistance. I’ve worried about the elderly, my team, the little ones, my family and everyone in between!
But I feel like I’m cocooned. Safe in my world, with none of the stress that my normal life brings.
And my safe, quiet life will be over very soon.
It’s a scary thought and one that fills me and others with anxiety.
Like I said earlier…it all seems exhausting and overwhelming.
The best I can come up with at the minute is to start easing myself back into society gently. Sounds ridiculous doesn’t it?
I’ll organise the work diary so we’re not completely bombed out from Day 1, I’ll plan our social media in advance so I don’t have the pressure to ‘post something’, I’ll try and go easy on myself and I’ll keep cooking those slow cooker meals. Thank goodness my boys are teenagers!
For now, I’m just trying my best not to overthink everything and second-guess what might happen in the future. It’s all I can do to ease the anxieties.
For anyone that’s feeling the same, I get it.
If you don’t know what I’m talking about and you’re ready to hit the morning traffic running – credit to you.
Love and blessings,